pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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