I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
