Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
