I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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