I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
did you just send me my own nude
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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