Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
