A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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