Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
