my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
