I puked a lego.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
he high fived his dick after we had sex
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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