yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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