A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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