I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
