Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I wish there were birth control emojis
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
