How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I'm having to shit out rocks
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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