I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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