so explain again why im purple
no
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
