The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
