Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
