it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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