the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
