remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
