just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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