That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
