Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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