Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
