I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
