I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
