your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
