You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
