I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
