Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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