3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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