i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
MIDGETS
????
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
