But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
