If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
