the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
