I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
