Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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