I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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