If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
