Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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