The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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