he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
