"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
