Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
