i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
