why didn't you poke me back
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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