Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
