$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Barsexuality is the new black.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Randomize
