We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
