I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
